I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dick very happy bro
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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