What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
