Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize