i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
