maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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