Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
