singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
40s are totally the cure
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
