omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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