do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
