you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
