i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
