If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
