sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
