I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
