"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
