You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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