I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
