i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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