I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
