First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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