I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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