I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
