At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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