I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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