i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
