So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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