my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
