Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
