The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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