So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
