how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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