my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
