I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
