Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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