sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
