Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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