So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize