none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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