My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize