I feel like abortions should bother me more
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
