I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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