I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
