I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
either way he was missing a nipple.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
