I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to jail i love you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
