Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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