You can't special order awesome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The uberlube is also flammable
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
