I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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