Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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