he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
