i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
