SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
