I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
