I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
