I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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