Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
