Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
