Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
