Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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