this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
