just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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