The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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