Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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