I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
