i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My balls are so social today.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
