Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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