it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
