dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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