So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
