Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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