also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
