K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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