4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
