i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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