actually, I'm a sock model
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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