i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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